Wishbane Rates the Home Consoles
What pernicious & vengeful deity did gamers offend so completely to end up with the current litter of consoles? Your intrepid reporter Wishbane ( as seen on the internet ) rants about investigates the situation with the steely eyed objectivity only the drunken possess.
Nintendo Wii - Graced with an input system designed to make you look ( & play ) like a spastic, graphics from 5 years ago & software ( for the most part, damn it ) apparently written by Dr Seuss reincarnated as a troubled & slow witted toddler, here is a system that answers the question: If you take all the joy, wonder & fun out of videogames, what’s left? Good luck explaining this to God, Nintendo ( or if you’re Buddhist, good luck being the last being to reach enlightenment ).
PS3 - Maybe the most powerful system ever made, a beautiful & reliable piece of technology that also plays blue rays - what could possibly be wrong? How about the only person in the world smart enough to program for it, Stephen Hawking, doesn’t make videogames. Turds. Weren’t you clever making your new console so hard to code for that anyone making games for Sony wouldn’t have much time left to make games for anyone else - that’s a great business strategy. Except that shitty games with bad framerates & less features can be made pretty quickly, leaving plenty of time to make ten games for the Wii ( see above ). Good game, PS3.
XBox 360 - A truly next gen system with a vast library of games ( including almost all of the best games of this generation ), well supported & with arguably the best online service. the X#@%^^^]]]…
Oh, sorry, this paragraph just red-ringed.
So there you have it, today’s unfortunate state of home gaming summed up for your edification - busted just as thoroughly as yours truly. And fucking Yoda the puppet is in Soul Calibur 4. Yeah, that’s awesome.
Happy Marios.
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