Retard’s Videogame Vacation
Too bad Wishbane spent all his money & has to live on overdraft & credit cards ( that’s drunks for you ) - now he can’t afford to buy any of the potentially amazing videogames coming out this year. Let’s have a look at some of the great games the dull-witted, unhappy “writer” won’t be playing.
Grand Theft Auto 4/April 28. If the framerate issues & world renowned awful targeting are fixed, & the new cover system integrates well into the game, we’ve got a world beater here - but we all know that. It’s that “if” that everything hinges on, but baring Wishbane level stupidity on the part of the developer this should be the best GTA ever.
Soul Calibur 4/June. OK, as previously established on this website I’m not down with Yoda in SC4 - I may even have referred to him as “fucking Yoda the puppet”, which, I think, is fair. On the other hand, the PS3 version has Vader ( who I have to assume will be available as DLC for 360 ), & the rest of the game is shaping up to be a stunning fighter. As long as all the freaks are confined to some kind of circus sub-area & don’t effect the balance of the real game, that’ll be fine.
Super Smash Bros Brawl/March 9. Ever since I saw Mrs Aran in her Zero Suit I’m for some reason very interested in this game
- & I don’t even own a Wii. Joking aside, this game looks like a blast to play & the phenomenal Famitsu score ( one of only 7 perfect scores in the magazine’s history ) only serves to heighten everyone’s anticipation.
Metal Gear Solid 4/June. Another game for a console I don’t own ( for now… ), but clearly worth renting a PS3 just to play. After seeing the amazing visuals & gameplay, I have to wonder why I’m giving Microsoft’s dozy white elephant any more time to red ring.
Prototype/October. Brought to you by the developers behind Hulk: Ultimate Destruction, this free roaming sandboxer features a king-sized helping of the good ol’ ultraviolence so beloved by the media ( & gamers, right? ) - look for a ton of controversy to follow this game out the door.
Final Fantasy XIII/Good Luck. This’ll never come out in ‘08 - nice trailer.
Fallout 3/3rd quarter ‘08. I loved Oblivion, investing probably hundreds of hours into it ( sad ), & this is Bethesda’s new one.
Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword/March 25. It’s a real game, for your DS. Think about that. If the game is as good as I’m hearing ,& it sells well, this could completely change the way games are developed for this platform.
And that’s about it - I’ve left some obvious games out ( Gears of War 2, Resident Evil 27, etc… ), but for me, though, the above mentioned are the games I’ll miss playing the most while I’m on my stupidity-imposed vacation from fun.
Happy Marios.
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