The Simon Cuisinart Interview
Simon Cuisinart, outspoken head of Loinface studios, took a few moments to talk to us recently about his highly anticipated new title Storytime 2: The Best Game Ever Made.
Wishbane: We’ve all read a lot about the many innovations in this game - well, mostly in your press releases. Can you tell us about a few?
Simon Cuisinart: There’s one we’re particularly proud of - we’ve actually synced one of the analogue sticks to the movement of the in-game camera. For the first time ever in a game of this type, the player will actually have control of a fully 3D enabled view!
W: Um…no, actually I think that’s been done.
SC: Well, maybe once or twice - but not like this!
W: Probably yours is better…any other features you’re particularly proud of?
SC: We’ve created a fully realized AI character for this game, your friend & companion in the world of Storytime, & I think everyone will agree when they first experience the behaviors of Lobert the Lobster -
W: Excuse me - did you just say lobster?
SC: Are you questioning my fucking artistic vision?! Yes, Lobert is a lobster, we spent months brainstorming & focus testing this!
W: Really? - sorry, I mean - don’t lobsters need water to breathe, they have gills…
SC: It’s a fucking fully realized fantasy world, these lobsters have fucking lungs, OK?! I mean, of course. Retard.
W: Right, I feel stupid now, that was obvious - any other innovations?
SC: Well…we have a brand new reward feature in Storytime - it’s called experience points. You see, whenever your character successfully completes any kind of action - hey, are you laughing at me?!
W: No! No! I have a cold - achew! See, it was just -
SC: That’s it, this interview is over! How dare you belittle the greatest creative mind of this generation of video - stop laughing at me you fucker!
W: Thank you for your time, Simon Cuisinart, & sorry about any misunderstanding.
SC: You’re a prick, Wishbane!
W: Thanks again.
I have to admit, this interview definitely peaked my interest for this game, & I look forward more than ever to it’s fall release - or possibly winter, or sometime in 2009. Or 2010.
Happy Marios.
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