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Games That are Truly Evil
Paul Edward Nowak
United States
Greenville
Michigan
You have paid retail for the last time.
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. - GKC
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This geeklist is intended to archive the truly evil games that have been created.
The media, conservative pundits and evangelical speakers/pastors/ministers from time to time launch a crusade against a game because it is "evil" and will lead children to Satan.
Personally, I believe they have completely missed the real evil, and instead have picked on relatively harmless, or even good games, because of theme and mechanics they don't understand or seem "dark" to them.
Feel free to contribute to this list, but please keep the list to games that are guilty of the great sins against gaming, such as being not fun, being unnecessarily obtuse, or being not a game.
I would like to point out that by their nature RPGs must be excluded from this list. As I have proven elsewhere in debate, RPGs are at their core exercises in imagination, dependent on the skill of the players and their game master. If this core mechanic is itself evil, then Barney the Dinosaur truly is the spawn of the Dark Lord.
[/sarcasm]
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Paul Edward Nowak
United States
Greenville
Michigan
You have paid retail for the last time.
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. - GKC
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Look, Monopoly is #1!
... on a list of evil games.
The crimes of monopoly are great and severe indeed. While whether or not it is "fun" can be debated (though I suspect polling data would reveal some surprising shared traits among those who favor this game) its lack of strategic options means a players' most important decisions will be what version to play and which token to choose to represent you on a Calvanistic path towards riches or bankruptcy, dictated by the fate of two cubes of power, most commonly projecting your compulsory movement in black and white.
Surrender your will, and abandon home, ye who open the box.
Regarding theme, the game is basically pro-trust, anti-rent control propaganda that teaches the goal of getting rich at the expense of others, and that you shall not be satisfied until you have bled every other soul dry.
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Paul Edward Nowak
United States
Greenville
Michigan
You have paid retail for the last time.
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. - GKC
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All Collectible Card Games (CCGs) may be guilty of these crimes, but some are more guilty than others. In my experience, Yu-Gi-Oh is the worst.
Even he good CCGS are holes into which one is to throw money. They are a subtle new currency with an alarmingly high exchange rate and inevitable drop to being worth less than their weight in firewood.
They are, as junkies refer to them, PaperCrack. But they are so truly evil they have escaped the notice of the authorities.
Where is the War on CCGs? Where are the posters to scare parents: "If you don't talk to your children about CCGs, who will?"
Perhaps we should stop talking about how much we have blown on a CCG in terms of dollars, and instead refer to the number of good games we could have bought instead. For example, instead of saying "I spent $300 this week on MTG" You would say "I blew 6 copies of Puerto Rico on MTG this week!"
World of Warcraft games are worth making note of as well, as a higher authority than I as deduced the source of their "inspiration" as demonic:
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Paul Edward Nowak
United States
Greenville
Michigan
You have paid retail for the last time.
The human race, to which so many of my readers belong, has been playing at children's games from the beginning, and will probably do it till the end, which is a nuisance for the few people who grow up. - GKC
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So few games have the audacity to boast of their evilness as the Ungame.
Forests weep to think of the noble trees that gave their lives for such crimes against nature and logic to be printed on their pulped carcasses. Woe are we who have squandered our natural resources on ashes such as this.
This, Mr. Gore, is the real inconvenient truth.
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Peaceful Gamin'
Canada
Vancouver
BC
Looking for a playtester/editor/translator for your cool new game? Contact us, we're free (but we ask to be mentioned in the acknowledgements, and a copy of the game would be a nice gesture, but not necessary).
Looking for a playtester/editor/translator for your cool new game? Contact us, we're free (but we ask to be mentioned in the acknowledgements, and a copy of the game would be a nice gesture, but not necessary).
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sean johnson
United States
avon
Indiana
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Aggravation is not just the name of the game it is also the theme. I think the designers of this game took the roll and move mechanic and asked themselves how can we make this the least amount of fun. Game is evil, evil, evil.
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This is game is truly evil for a few reasons:
d
A. This is the go-to game for the women in our family.
B. Despite having the word "blitz" it does not feature tanks. Or pancakes.
C. There are no spoons involved. I think if you're playing a card game like this it would be more fun if somehow, some managed to think of a way to add spoons.
D. There is no shouting or trading like in "Pit", which despite what someone will try to tell you shortly, is not an evil game.
E. The Pennsylvania Dutch used magical symbols called "Hex charms", which is magic, which is satanic, which is therefore evil. Therefore this game is evil.
F. The "1" card is borken and should be banned.
G. The "10" card is pointless and slows down the game.
H. This game involves more luck and less skill than LRC, that game from the hobby store with the dice with the letters that your non-game playing friends think is fun and think that's what you're doing when you are "gaming".
I. Once I played this game with three kids under ten. I scored lowest. This game is dumb.
J. Your mother would approve of this game.
K. There are so many good things with the word "Dutch" in the name: dutch apple pie, that christmas song "The little dutch boy", that reggae song "Pass the Dutchie", Ronald Reagan's nickname, that fart gag where you hold the blanket over someone's head and fart. Actually, real dutch ovens are cool too. Dutch process cocoa is pretty nice also. By all accounts this game should be awesome. but it's meh.
L. Women need to chit-chat while chosing which boat to ship coffee on, when deciding on their final settlement placement, when trying to figure out whether to trade two for one, keep, or sell. And when you are trying to say Uno. But try having a conversation with a chick in Dutch Blitz. Nope. No dice. It's all concentration.
M. I have never gotten the card with the bird on it in this game. Never. Not. Once.
That's it. I'm stretching for jokes now. Yup. I hate it. It's evil. It's Dutch Blitz.
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You have paid retail for the last time.
Greenville
Michigan
(skip forward to 3:48 for the expert testimony)