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Joseph
United States
Today, we're all Spaniards!
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Fair Warning:
I’m normally considered a calm and reasonable fellow, so this review may seem like a big departure from my usual polite banter. While reading this review, please bear in mind that the situation I’m about to describe trod on every raw nerve and prejudice I have in my body. I ask for your forbearance.
Background:
I’m a history buff. I love everything to do with history, and devour historical books and videos at an alarming rate. I’ll read just about anything to do with the military, revolutions, battles, generals and the like. It’s the stuff I live for.
So – like many of you, I was overjoyed and atremble with excitement when I heard that one of my favorite publishers, Stratelibri was working with others to release a game entitled “Agricola”. I almost swooned.
“WOW! – Someone is finally doing a game about Agricola, and it’s going to be done correctly – BY THE ITALIANS!”.
This made the game an immediate “must buy” for me. I mean – I preordered the game sight-unseen without hesitation! Being careful not to spoil the fun for myself, I studiously avoided reading previews or commentary about the game from any of the usual sources. I was on pins and needles for a very long time until my order finally came in.
A Grim Reality:
When the box finally arrived at work, I took the next day off so I could spend the whole day reading the rules and trying things out. I was in for a rude awakening.
After fighting my way though the packing tape and Styrofoam peanuts, I pulled out what I thought would become my gaming obsession for years to come. Unfortunately, instead of seeing Roman Legions in all of their awesomeness on the cover, I beheld a dorky looking farmer standing suspiciously close behind a sheep. In fact, he looked a little like “Shaggy” from the “Scooby Do” cartoon. WTF???
“Where’s Gnaeus Julius?” I bellowed.
“What happened to my beloved 'Legio XX Valeria Victrix?'”.
This DID NOT look like a game about the Roman General responsible for the Roman conquest of Britain. This was not my Gnaeus Julius Agricola. Tearing open the shrink wrap, I found it was even worse than I’d initially thought. There was absolutely no mention of Gaius Suetonius Paulinus, Legio II Augusta, or anything to do with Gnaeus Julius Agricola’s campaigns in Scotland and Ireland!
Instead, there was a bunch of junk about plowing, sowing, and baking bread? Growing vegetables? How could someone get away with this? Was this some kind of sick joke? I was expecting to go around lopping the heads off of woad colored barbarians, not channeling my inner peasant. That’s when it dawned on me – this wasn’t just a horrible mistake, this was a Euro game! I’d heard of games like this before- These are the kind of games played by those meeple loving hippies who think that the way to find world peace is to smoke dope and learn Esperanto. Definitely not for me. Any grognard worth his weight in ASL modules, knows that world peace is best dispensed from the bomb bay doors of a F117 loaded with “bunker busters”.
Lastly, and perhaps the worse injustice of them all, was that the game was incomplete! They forgot to include the dice in the box! Even if I wanted to play this abomination, I’d be unable to do so!
The REAL Agricola:
If you want the real scoop, the story about a man whose shoes graced the earth they walked on, this is the link for you: General Gnaeus Julius Agricola, in all his glory.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gnaeus_Julius_Agricola
Final Recommendation:
All of you grognards learn my mistake! If you’re looking for a game about the most distinguished Roman General to ever walk the earth, a game about legendary battles and real human courage - you won’t find it here. This isn’t the game for you. If you, like myself, were taken in by this transparent stealing of a real man’s legendary name, then do what I did. Gift this miserable wreck of a game to your wimpy brother in law. Then, while he’s distracted, push him off a cliff and drive over him with your monster truck. It’ll be the best $40 you ever spent.
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Strategy Bombs
United States
Arizona
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That's all very interesting, but maybe you should read the description of something before you order it online.
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Alan Reeve
United States
Geneva
Illinois
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I had the same thing happen to me a few months ago. I ordered Money!, but then when it arrived it wasn't a big exclamation point sized box of money, but some silly cards. I felt completely ripped off!!
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Sean Dooley
United States
Cincinnati
Ohio
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Where's the funny?
And you got GG for this? Sheesh.
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Joseph
United States
Today, we're all Spaniards!
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adreeve wrote: I had the same thing happen to me a few months ago. I ordered Money!, but then when it arrived it wasn't a big exclamation point sized box of money, but some silly cards. I felt completely ripped off!!
Us hard working geeks just want a little truth in advertising. Is that too much to ask?
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eric hess
United States
Santa Cruz
California
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I think the Tongue in Cheek Police have a few suspects that need their rights read to them!
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Mara Saurio
Spain
Valencia
Valencia
Logitech G25 + rFactor + XtremeRacers = pure sim racing!!!
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Not only you're dumb, you wanted all us to know by posting this in the Agricola forum. "Oh, grognards that are reading the forums of Agricola, don't buy this piece of a crap!"
Maybe in some History books will tell about your incredible adventures.
Edit.- Sarcasm included.
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simon thornton
United Kingdom
Liverpool
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You completely miss the point. Its a game about Agricola's time on the farm after he retired from politics. Yes it ahould have been labelled "Agricola - the Twilight years"
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Richard Dewsbery
United Kingdom
Sutton Coldfield
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*If* this story was true, it would teach people the hazards of knowing too much Roman history and not enough Latin. The two ought to go hand-in-hand if you're serious about either.
But as it isn't, I don't imagine I can make the point.
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Fraser
Australia
Melbourne
Yep that was 12 Power Grid maps back to back over two days. Worth doing, but possibly not in such a concentrated burst.
Ooh yes, now a little to the left - my nose is itchy. No, no the other left! Now what colour is 12 supporter badge going to be I wonder?
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Joseph to avoid being burnt again I seriously advise you steer well clear of Barbarossa. No Zhukov, no Guderian, no steppes and not even a single Panzer or T-34 in sight. It does have some neat little arrows, but I don't think that will overcome your disappointment though.
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Grzegorz Kobiela
Germany
Hanover
Lower Saxony
Stalker!!!
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falloutfan wrote: .
Lastly, and perhaps the worse injustice of them all, was that the game was incomplete! They forgot to include the dice in the box! Even if I wanted to play this abomination, I’d be unable to do so!
Come on... dice in a euro?!
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I kinda digged the sarcasm initially, but you kinda swerved too heavily into euroinsults and too lightly into tongue-in-cheek, which I kinda think was your point.
Also, lose the wiki link. Joke ain't good if you need to point it out. 
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Niko Ruf
Germany
Kaiserslautern
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bluekingzog wrote: You completely miss the point. Its a game about Agricola's time on the farm after he retired from politics. Yes it ahould have been labelled "Agricola - the Twilight years"
The good news is that a "Cincinnatus" expansion is in the works, adding a small chance that you get called away from farmwork to do some soldiering. 
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falloutfan wrote: .
So – like many of you, I was overjoyed and atremble with excitement when I heard that one of my favorite publishers, Stratelibri was working with others to release a game entitled “Agricola”. I almost swooned.
“WOW! – Someone is finally doing a game about Agricola, and it’s going to be done correctly – BY THE ITALIANS!”.
Being an ITALIAN and eagerly waiting for the release of the translated game by Stratelibri, I question your declaration:
1) Were you able to put your hands on the translated version of the game? If yes, could you please suggest me where did you buy it?
2) The game is not italian at all. It's a german one, and a very good one judging by the feedback it got.
So please review your facts 
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Raul Catalano
Italy
Pordenone
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Well, from all the irate comments to your review, I hope you learn another lesson: NEVER, NEVER make jokes about Agricola on BGG. So many fellow BGG are so armed and busy to defend their new idol that irony is completely lost
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Craig Benn
United Kingdom
Unspecified
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Joseph,
possibly the best review I've ever read.
Romani Agricola ite domum!
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4.1 Rules
United States
Rutland
Vermont
Drop the dice and step away from the table!
Move along, nothing to see here!
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wittdooley wrote: Where's the funny?
And you got GG for this? Sheesh.
Hilarious! I approved this on geekmod. I was sure that the too serious no sense of humor crowd would decline it. Glad to see I was wrong.
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Crom Cruach wrote: Romani Agricola ite domum!
THIS made my day!
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Richard Lea
United Kingdom
Leeds
County: West Yorkshire
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Know what you mean. I was furious when I found that Roma turned out to have nothing to do with Gypsies.
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Rod Batten
Canada
St. John's
Newfoundland
Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing. --R.E.Howard
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Nice job, falloutfan!
Like billyboy I approved it in geekmod and figured it'd get shot down by others. Glad to see that a sense of humour is alive and well on the 'Geek.
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J Knoerzer
United States
Chicago
Illinois
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Cute, enjoyable read, but should this be considered a review? If I was doing research on a game and was looking for a opinion of someone who didn't like the game and I found this I would be annoyed. Maybe this should be moved general.
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Frank Eisenhauer
Other-Asia
Astana, Kazakhstan
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Sir,
it seems you are behind in the "Intelligence" gathering part of your operation. Quote:
"Any grognard worth his weight in ASL modules, knows that world peace is best dispensed from the bomb bay doors of a F117 loaded with “bunker busters”. "
The last F117 has been phased out of active service quite some time ago.
Respectfully
The Grey Ghost
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hobbes_inc wrote: Cute, enjoyable read, but should this be considered a review? If I was doing research on a game and was looking for a opinion of someone who didn't like the game and I found this I would be annoyed. Maybe this should be moved general.
Nah, I like BGG accepting joke reviews. They are fun.
Too bad this one is a bit light on humor. Still, I appreciate the effort.
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David Chapman
United Kingdom
Unspecified
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eisenphx wrote: Sir,
it seems you are behind in the "Intelligence" gathering part of your operation. Quote:
"Any grognard worth his weight in ASL modules, knows that world peace is best dispensed from the bomb bay doors of a F117 loaded with “bunker busters”. "
The last F117 has been phased out of active service quite some time ago.
The Second World War ended some considerable time ago. This has not stopped ASL players, for some reason.
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Un Streetfighter avec un doctorat
Canada
Edmonton
Alberta
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I approved this in Geekmod so I would enjoy the ensuing Geek apoplexy. I am not disappointed.
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